Radical Atheist

think about it

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I despair when I encounter people like this in RL and on the net. They should be the punchlines of jokes, they ought to be caricatures. But they’re real, they really exist, really vote, really have kids and most likely an active sex life. THAT RIGHT THERE PROVES THERE’S NO JUSTICE IN THIS LIFE!!

I feel so sad for humanity knowing people who “think” like this are still around. These are the guys who fly planes into buildings, or would if they could and if Christian fanatics had as big a pair of balls as the Muslims. Instead they kill doctors and innocents, justifying it by blaming it on god, using an idea to excuse their inhumanity.

Beliefs like these stifle human progress, they retard our evolution. Religious belief is essentially retarded (note: I’m not calling believers retarded, not explicitly anyway). It can never advance in understanding past its origin 2000 years ago (or less depending on the religion). At the time Christianity was invented, for example, it proclaimed itself to be the ultimate truth, the zenith of knowledge. Implicit in that belief is the sad fact that nothing more could be added to the “wisdom” in the Bible. Access to further knowledge and understanding of our universe was closed. Everything you needed to know, would ever need to know, was in the Bible. Of course not just anyone could read and interpret the holy writings. We needed a priest class to act as intermediaries between just the words claimed to be god’s and humanity. Others claimed to be intermediaries between the god itself and humanity. Lay people, ministers and theologians have been at each other’s throats ever since.

Humanists and atheists don’t accept limitations on knowledge. We confess our ignorance of so much. But we, like everyone else, have a standard that has to be met when it comes to what we’ll accept as truth. Not absolute truth, conditional truth is as good as it gets. Our standards are high, our tolerance for bullshit low. If we’ve listened to what you have to say (and I don’t know an American who hasn’t heard what Christians have to say), and we’ve dismissed it as inadequate, don’t be obnoxious and try to imply there’s any aspect to your religion we haven’t already considered and discarded. It’s a done deal. Unlike Christians, we don’t want to answer 21st century questions with 2000 year old answers. Humans have developed tools and techniques unknown to ancient goat herders that allow us to answer questions we didn’t even have 5 years ago.

Yet humanity, by and large, prefers to embrace superstitions rather than face realities.

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beliefnet

At Beliefnet you can take a quiz that supposedly will reveal your true religious beliefs.

Here are my results:

    1.     Secular Humanism  (100%)
    2.     Unitarian Universalism (91%)
    3.     Nontheist (81%)
    4.     Liberal Quakers (71%)
    5.     Theravada Buddhism (66%)
    6.     Neo-Pagan (57%)
    7.     Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (55%)
    8.     Taoism (44%)
    9.     New Age (39%)
    10.     Reform Judaism (36%)
    11.     Orthodox Quaker (30%)
    12.     Mahayana Buddhism (29%)
    13.     Sikhism (24%)
    14.     Scientology (23%)
    15.     New Thought (21%)
    16.     Baha’i Faith (18%)
    17.     Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (18%)
    18.     Jainism (16%)
    19.     Seventh Day Adventist (16%)
    20.     Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (15%)
    21.     Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (13%)
    22.     Hinduism (12%)
    23.     Eastern Orthodox (9%)
    24.     Islam (9%)
    25.     Orthodox Judaism (9%)
    26.     Roman Catholic (9%)
    27.     Jehovah’s Witness (6%)

I suspect what kept my results from being 100% humanist/non-theist and gave a 55% similarity to liberal Protestantism is that I took a position on abortion and homosexuality, even though my opinions on were not formed by atheism.

I do confess that 23% similarity to Scietology has me wondering. What could I have possibly answered that lead the test algorithm to say that? I’d be surprised to learn I had any beliefs in common with those fruitcakes.

photo courtesy www.greatblogabout.org

photo courtesy www.greatblogabout.org

For the first time ever God has been secretly photographed at work.

The photographer, who asked not to be named, said that in the picture, taken recently God only knows where, shows The Almighty turning back the hands of time.

The Angel Gabriel, the photographer who asked not to be named (mentioned above), said that the Lord of Hosts frequently turns back the hands of time when he detects mankind getting, as the Good Lord likes to put it, “too big for his britches”.

The Alpha and the Omega didn’t say what calamity he has in store for mankind this time around, but Gabe says that we can all take comfort in knowing that it will be hundreds of times worse than locusts, famine, floods or any of the other methods used in the past. “It’s a new century and God’s kid just had a birthday, so he’s in a really good mood. He could go nuclear this time, if you know what I mean. He likes to make his point clearly, you know.”

What we found most surprising was that “I am” is a guy in his 50s, balding and wearing a boring suit.

Let’s face it, this isn’t anyone’s idea of a decent god.

Where are all the manifestations of The Power and The Glory?  I thought no man could look upon you and survive, or without going blind (or is that just because of that other thing?).

It’s kind of hard to prostrate myself in fear and self-loathing at the feet of a guy who looks like he’d try to sell me life insurance.

All I can say, God, is I’m really disappointed. I was expecting so much more.

With apologies to Art Linkletter and thanks to allgirlarmy.org where I saw the link to this site; a few of the crazier beliefs Christians have been kind enough to post for our amusement.

There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don’t know that much about it does not bother me in the least. AV1611VET, Christian Forums [2006-Sep-12]

You got it backwards. Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence. Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales. CRASH, Theology Online [2006-Jul-18]

I often debate with evolutionists because I believe that they are narrow mindedly and dogmatically accepting evolution without questioning it. I don’t really care how God did what He did. I know He did it. TexasSky, Christian Forums [2006-Aug-24] evan

[on the sunject of a Bible printing company] Yes, that is a great company. I bought one of their large print version (old eyes… what can I say?). The only thing I don’t like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don’t think that’s right. We know the only true translation is the 1600’s version in English. It’s too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in… and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English. leyenda , KJB only [2007-Aug-06]

I honestly don’t care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc. Apologist, IIDB [2006-Jul-05]

[Am I in discussion with a human who has a functioning brain?] What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible? LittleLambofJesus, Christian Forums [2006-Oct-16]

Seriously, does anybody ever cry at an Atheist’s funeral?

I mean, since Atheists have no value whatsoever as human beings (they’re not even human, but only inhuman animals), since Atheists are nothing but miserable Liars, Cowards and Murderers, after all, why would anybody in their right mind weep over the dead rotting corpse, or bone chips and ashes (that get mixed together with those of others from the crematory) of a worthless dead Atheist?

And what epitaph do you engrave on an Atheist’s grave marker? “Here lies the only good Atheist, which is a dead Atheist”. What else is there say? Nothing at all. No last words, no last rites, no flowers, no anything.

Every time an Atheist dies, the world is better off as a result of that dead Atheist being dead, & its damned God-forsaken soul burning in the fiery pits of Hades. :)

Which begs another related question, do Atheists cry at funerals? If so, why? Since Atheists hate God, and they hate Family, and they hate Country, who are they crying for? It is true: The only good Atheist is a dead Atheist. Daniel Joseph Min, alt.atheism [2007-Jan-07]

[One Christian speaking to another] You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don’t accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian. Troy, Bibliocality [2006-Feb-07]

What is called ‘Science’ today and ’scientists’ consist of the same old gang of witch doctors, sorcerers, tellers of tales, the ‘Priest-Entertainers’ for the common people. ‘Science’ consists of a weird, way-out occult concoction of jibberish theory-theology… nothing good has ever come from ’science’ —- In fact, technology is not in any way related to the web of idiotic scientific theory. ALL inventors have been anti-science. The Wright brothers said: “Science theory held us up for years. When we threw out all science, started from experiment and experience, then we invented the airplane.” By the way, airplanes all fly level on this Plane earth!

The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)… but for a second can you imagine what these so-called ’scientists would have us believe —- If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up? But since the theory allows to travel to those parts of the earth where the people are said to hand head downward, and still to fancy ourselves to be heads upwards, and our friends whom we have left behind us to be heads downwards! LOL! What foolishness! TheWHOLE THING IS A MYTH – A DREAM – A DELUSION – and a snare, and, instead of there being any evidence at all in this direction to substantiate this popular theory, it is plain proof that the Earth is Not A Globe!

Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are ‘tiny.’ Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2). Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world… this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE… a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite True Christians to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning “herd”… prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball! Both Copernecious and Newton, the inventors of the “modern” superstitions (400 year OLD modern) have said: “It is not possible for a Sane reasonable person to ever really believe these Theories.” Thus sayeth Newton-Copernecious. What sayeth THOU? KettleWhistle, Israel Forum [2007-Mar-02]

Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history. Pat Robertson, Quotes From the Religious Right [2007-Nov-09]

The only solution we have to stop gays from recruiting other people is to cut off the source. They need to be taken to specialized containment centers where they will be forced to become straight and accept Jesus as thier savior and to repent from their disgusting, wicket, hatful, devilish ways. Those that refuse to go can either be forced, or banished from society in other specialized communities where they have no connetion to the outside world at all. Most would die of AIDS anyway. Anyone who refused any of the answers to make them better would have to be killed or banished. Meg, Myspace [2007-Aug-24]

Me and like-minded Christian students are trying to organize a mock stoning of openly gay students at our campus. We will be using crumpled up gray/brown construction paper to represent rocks, and will recite bible verses in opposition to their sinful nature. We will throw a volley or two of these “rocks” at every Gay person we happen to encounter that day. Rebelscum954, CARM [2007-Sep-12]

A woman for president is a bad idea. Hillary for president is even worse. Do you think America never had a woman for president by coincidence?

[You can transfer that logic to black people, seeing as there's been no black presidents - Anyway it's incredibly insensitive, stupid and unbased.]

As stupid as you think it sounds I totally agree. Blacks should not ever be in positions of power. They should be suppressed back in to slavery. bricks00usa, Christian Forums [2007-Aug-21]

Apes are just creatures twisted by Satan to mock Jesus by giving EVILolition credibility. Further more they are naturally lust crazed for human women. Since they are not natural creatures they should be exterminated forthwith as the tools of evil they are. BJ Tabor, Blogs4Brownback [2007-Aug-01]

To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible. Ia Orana, MSN Miss Manners [2008-Jan-01]

If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic. uscchica09, BibleForums.org [2006-Sep-03]

No one knows what’s happening until the flood comes (according to Matthew). And the flood is here – it refers to the apocalypse. There is a huge amount of supporting evidence on the site. For example, there is evidence for the wh0re of Babylon due to a 666 mile long penis in Mexico. alasdair, Christianity Board [2006-Dec-02]

From years of studying environmentalists I have come to the conclusion that they are both religion based and mentally ill. This makes for a dangerous combination. [...]

The mental illness of environmentalism manifests itself is three forms; Paranoid, Delusional and Criminal insanities. [...]

Since religious environmentalism is a mental disease it must be treated like one. Those afflicted by the malady must be gathered into central locations and be treated by counseling, drug therapy, shock treatments or whatever is necessary to restore their sanity and return them to being productive members of society. The state presently administers such treatments to other mentally ill citizen, even against their will, and therefore there is hope for environmentalists.

Legal methods – Once the sick mind of an environmentalist forces him to cross the line to the realm outside the law they are to be dealt with as any other criminal is. These criminal environmentalists are, in fact, terrorists. They seek to achieve their goals by terrorizing the general population by criminal actions. Like any criminal they have no regard for the rights or lives of their victims. Judges, no matter how liberal, owe it to the general public to protect them from criminal environmentalists by sentencing them as they would any rapist or murderer. They can show no leniency or preference in dealing with them. If their minds can be salvaged through mental treatments they can return to society. If not, then the general public is safer with them incarcerated. The population of a nation is not to be held hostage by the mind of a crazy person.

Mentally ill environmentalists working in the news media are to be treated as any other environmentalist. Counseling, drugs, incarceration, whichever turns them back into normal people.

Environmentalists can be saved from themselves. If we have the courage to act! Dr Samuel C Gipp, Essays and Ideas by Dr Samuel C Gipp, Th.d [2006-Dec-01]

What do the other human persons here think ?

No doubt someone will object, saying something obviously ridiculous like, but atheists are persons.

But clearly this is mistaken because anybody without a well developed belief in God is obviously not a full human person.

What could be more obvious than that ?

How many full human persons do you know without a well developed belief in God. Obviously none, because if they were full human person they would have a well developed belief in God.

Now some people might object to killing atheists for there (and obviously it is there and not thier as they are not whos but whats ) organs but think of all the full human persons that would benifit from the organs and the medical research that could be done on these non-persons.

How could anybody object, they are not human persons and if you think we should not kill them then that is just because of out dated ideas and because they must really just want people to suffer. For shame on you !

So what do people think ?

Should we kill these atheist human non-persons for the benifit of fully human persons ? Jason, TheologyWeb [2007-Mar-07]

These are just some of the ones I thought were funny, bizarre and ironic. If you click over and read those I didn’t include, you’ll see some that aren’t so funny. Some indicate serious mental deficiencies, anti-social attitudes justified by faith. It’s sobering to think that these people might be standing next to you at a bus stop, they may be bagging your groceries or piloting your next flight.

That isn’t quite so funny.

Saint Peter is watching the gates of Heaven, but he really has to go to the bathroom. He asks Jesus to watch the gates for a few minutes, and Jesus agrees.

As Jesus is standing there, he sees an old man leading a donkey up from Earth to Heaven. He notices the old man has carpenter’s tools with him. When the old man gets to the gates, Jesus asks him to describe his life and explain why he feels he should be admitted into Heaven.

The man explains, “In English, my name would be Joseph, but I didn’t live in America or England. I lived a modest life, making things out of wood. I’m not remembered very well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him — he really didn’t come into this world in the usual way.

I sent my son out to be among the people of the World. He was ridiculed by many, and was even known to associate himself with some pretty unsavoury characters, although he himself tried to be honest and perfect. My single biggest reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be re-united with my son.”

Jesus is awe-struck by the man’s story. He looks into the old man’s eyes and asks, “Father?”

The old man’s face brightens; he looks at Jesus, and asks, “Pinocchio?”

(This joke’s been around for a while but it never fails to make me chuckle. It also brings to mind a real situation. If you study history you’ll notice that all the elements in the story of Jesus are similar to the elements in other god-man stories. His history isn’t unique.)

This one may be too easy. I’ll supply the inspiration and you write your own joke.  (the following is no joke)

Kevin de Cock is the head of the World Health Organization’s department of HIV/Aids.

Go.

Show off your faith and listen to MP3 files with this 2 GB USB “Cross Style” MP3 player.

You don’t have to be religious to appreciate this stylish Cross Style MP3 player. It features 2 GB of memory and a USB interface for quick and easy data transfers, plus it looks cool too!

This stylish cross also features a built-in microphone so you can record your voice or even record the sermon! It supports MP3/WMA/WMV/ASP and WAV files and features a 1-inch dot matrix color LCD with an easy to use menu! Order today!

It looks cool?  It looks silly.  A “must have” gadget for those who can’t stand to not broadcast their philosophical dogma even when listening to music.  It must have a setting that only allows for the recording of wholesome Christian tunes.  No Pat Condell podcasts on this baby.

Sexpelled…

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Better than the original, and only 1:28 minutes long. And PZ can attend this premier.

cartoon

Bitstrips cartoon